NAME:  Kevin Christensen (see disclaimer at bottom)

 

DESIRED POSITION:  Reclining.  Ha ha.  But seriously, whatever's available.  If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

 

DESIRED SALARY:  $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package.  If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

 

EDUCATION:  Yes.

 

LAST POSITION HELD:  Target for middle-management hostility.

 

SALARY:  Less than I'm worth.

 

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:  My incredible collection of stolen pens, post-it notes, and other office supplies.

 

REASON FOR LEAVING:  It was lousy.

 

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:  I’m always available.  Work is another issue.

 

PREFERRED HOURS:  1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

 

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:  Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

 

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If you hire me, then yes.

 

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?:   I’m lazy.  Or is that not physical?

 

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:  I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

 

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

 

DO YOU SMOKE?:   Only when set on fire.

 

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:  Living off the severance package you gave me here.  I’d also like to be doing that in fifty years.

 

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:  No.  Are you calling me a liar?

 

SIGN HERE: Libra.

 

DISCLAIMER: I did not write the original of this fake application. I got it as a forward and decided to include it to finish my web page.

The original name included was Greg B.